I must be too annoying 4 u.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
