If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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