just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
