i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
