He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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