i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
