check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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