when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
