Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
