i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so much tequila, so little girl.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
