Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize