My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk is a universal language darling
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