Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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