no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
