Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
