her vagine was all disorganized.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
