He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
