What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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