i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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