Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
