wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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