apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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