we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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