You just made me feel so damn special
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
