Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
