I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
