is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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