my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize