I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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