Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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