I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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