he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
