Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
