This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
do nipples grow back?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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