If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
