Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hippo gnu deer
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone came in the potted fern
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
