How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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