Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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