Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
