so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize