Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
