I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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