We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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