We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
