If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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