i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
