I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
