I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
