Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
