I seem to have left my pride at pride
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
