this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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