well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
