The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We are all done wearing pants today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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