I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
