I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
