sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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