is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
