I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize