Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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