Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
