You work out of a Hotel?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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