went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
