Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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