I have demons in me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
