TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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